Phnom Phen (the 2nd time round!)

Sometime in April....

Had a bit of a stress in Phnom Phen finding wireless and skype but (finally) finalised my return plane ticket. Am gonna fly out of Bankok on 11th May, and out of India on 21st June I didnt really know what to do so just counted a straight 6 weeks with the view of making a decision - any bloody decision - in the face of my ridiculous indecision. I just hate being tied to plans! I will have to ponder that one. Is it because I think I will miss out on something better? Well its made me feel better anyhow as it has been playing on my mind for ages - but esp in last week (I have a theory about a 7 week rule) recognised I have been feeliing really emotional and unsettled and homesick which I am unaccustomed to so recognised was not good time to make big decisions. But nothing is irreversible - to change my ticket again is like 30 quid. Bargain really!

I wonder at people that travel. I wonder if we are all searching for something, or whether we are running away from something. It's certainly an escape form reality and monotiny. A desire for experience. But what experience? Some travellers sit round getting stoned and I wonder why they bother to move from their couches! None of these are bad things. But some people I meet seem to 'travel' permanently which I dont know whether I respect or secretly pity. Is there something fundamentally wrong with them or have they got the right idea?! Bas totally agrees with me!!!!! He is looking overmy shoulder as we chat. I am currently at 'lakeside' a a backpacker hangout part of town where the guys are staying. It is bohemiam and chilled, good music, ambiotic, and I wish me and Nate had stayed here before. Have decided to stick around another day and visit the orphanage they are volunteering at. I need a fix of helping or doing something - it is a very self centred existance travelling. Im not used to not having such a sense of purposeless each day apart from having fun!
My impressions of Cambodia are very positive.I think I love it. I have basically loved each country I have visited thus far, and each have somethings in common but are very different. Cambodia really reminds me of Mozambique in Africa. Ive been trying to think why. Possibly the poverty, the wooded houses on stilts, the unkept roads, the red dirt, the image of mothers carrying children. I have also experienced more 'hassle' in Cambodia than Laos or Thailand but deal with it with a smile and sense of lightness. Everything here can and should be done with a smile. So many tuk tuk drivers want your buisness it is quite sad really how desperate they can be - after all they all have wives and families to support. However occassionally you are pullled up short - Nate recounted a story of a lady who 'rented' a different child a day to go begging. Many children hound you, asking for you to buy them food and then make a beeline for powdered baby milk which they take back to their mothers. For their younger siblings or for the black market who knows but either way they need the money.

Someone told me the average family get by on 80 dollars a month. Crazy hey.

I spent the evening at Happys and played a bit of pool and drank a bit of beer. Ended up leaving 2.30 ish and got a good nights sleep back at our 7 dollar a night dump of guesthouse where the bathroom smells of urine ;)

Friday 3rd April or something like that.

Sorted bus ticket so not tempted to stick around Phnom Phen - the jungle will take a few days if we do the 4 day trek we're planning on, and I'm already eating into my Vietnam visa. Also travel takes so long around here. But I think Cambodia has stolen a little piece of my heart! I took a moto 6 k out of town to the orphanage (Don was nowhere to be seen at the time we arranged suprise suprise!) - and spent a wonderful afternoon and evening at Save Poor Children of Asia which is a very small orphanage (10 kids) in a village-like community where David and Bas are vounteering for a week. The orphanage is also connected to a school which provides free English classes 4 times a day. Poor David is absolutely covered in bed bug bites - they stayed at the orphanage the first night and he was eaten alive so they decided to stay at Lakeside and commute. The classroom is essentially a tent, and the lessons taught largely by a transient stream of volunteers which I didn't envy in the unbearable heat or range of ability in the one class. I just observed at first, and then looked around the orphanage which is decieving because it is more reminiscent of a large family home. It is very simplistic by necessity I suppose, funded entirely by donation, and ran by Samith, a gentle Cambodian man who was very welcoming and full of smiles. We accompanied him to a monks house - the village guru, who people go to for advice and encouragement. Much of the time was in Cambodian, but the expeirence in itselt was pretty cool. Samith later explained to me he wasnt buddhist, or christian, or anything, because the principles he lived by - like helping people - were shared by all religions and there was no one right way. This man has a big heart I can tell. He also shared with me that he found it hard doing what he did (running the orphanage), but he stayed strong and 'lucky' - there is this idea that you will be lucky in life if you put emphasis on the right things. A karma type mentality. That good things will happen to you if you're a good person.

Bas and I then went on a little trip to the main road on rickety old bikes (which I find such fun dodging the potholes and moto drivers!) to buy a stash of cokes and sprites for their 'Khmer New Year' party which despite explanations I still havn't been able to discern the concept of considering its March! - and sat and had a good chin wag in a very Cambodian cafe over a jug of 2 dollar beer. Even sitting in a cafe is an experience here especially when there's no other westerners around. Back at the orphanage, with a very rumbling tummy, I ate possibly one of my top 3 most delicious meals in my asian culinary experience. It was somewhat of a special occassion however, as it was the leaving party of an Isreali guy who had been volunteering here for 2 months. I was so full (think I ate real quick because was so hungry - hadn't eaten since breakfast!) that when the festivities began I literally couldn't move from my seat. But one very cute little boy soon dragged me up to the sound of Cambodia Karaoke from some cheesy DVD amplified by speakers, and I shuffled my way across the dance floor - well, ok squirmed in a circular fashion around a table in true Cambodian style.

The kids are very happy here - no indication of any trauma stemming from estrangement from their loved ones (many of the kids here have one or more parent, they just cant afford to support them) Just as in Mozambique they were like any other children, laughing and playing seemingly without a care in the world. It was such a fun evening. I love when you are so absorbed in a situation you're not really thinking about or care much about anything else. It was a bit like in Sihoukeville when I spent the afternoon eating dancing and drinking and laughing (a lot) with that lovely Cambodian family. Living 'in the moment' is something I need to cultivate more. Such times as this it strikes me how incredibly amazing it is to witness and experience such things, all the more valuable for their simplicity. It really is a world away from England and English culture and English behaviour. People who don't travel miss out on so much!

I found myself thinking if I hadn't booked my ticket outta here I would be sorely tempted to stick around myself. I was even a little emotional when it came so say goodbye especially when the kids envelop you and you have to explain actually you're not coming back tomorrow. It was also emotional watching the Isreali guy say goodbye to the people he had worked lived and breathed with for 2 months. I dont know how people manage not to cry in such situations I blubber at everything nowdays!

Went back to the guys guest house at lakeside and chilled. David and Bas are quite tired from all the teaching and I can see why. It's intense and the kids have so much energy in the humidity. It is also difficult teaching such a range of abilities with a class you are unfamiliar with.

It occured to me as we were getting into our tuk tuk returning from the village, that today than I would ordinarilly be catching my flight tomorrow am which means I would otherwise be in Bankok tonight. It was just the sign I needed to know I've done the right thing. Or at least not the wrong one! Thats good enough for me. From here on in I am going to maximise every day and not let myself be affected by things superfluous to my travelling experience. This may be once in a life time stuff.

As I sit here I feel slightly uncomfortable (which pees me off to be in this position) that a guy I have barely spoken to seems to assume I may be amenable to going back to his room with him. Some guys are so arrogant theres not a lot you can say. He was flicking through my camera earlier in the evening, commenting about seeing me in a bikini and then making an issue of me not extending my leg to itch my many mosquito bites, and I have to say what a twat. I may be the object of his lust but I don't appreciate knowing it and trying to avoid making any contact with him which was difficult as he was sitting quite close to me. He seemed such a nice guy in one way - he had spent 2 months volunteering at the orphanage where Bas and David were at for a week. Before that he had worked for 2 months doing another voluntary project. I just don't understand men. Nuf said.

Just one point: right now there is actually a torrential downpour threatening to made the bamboo roof cave in. Which wouldn't be such an issue if it wasn't for the fact that we're heading into jungle territoy tomorrow - with no waterproofs and me with not just no trekking shoes - oh no - but no flip flops either, as mine broke when I was swinging around an excitable kid by the armpits. Such is life and perhaps more exciting for the unpredictablity if you ride it by the seat of your pants.